


Seriously, Stop With the Stripes

by Belzime



Category: Free!
Genre: But also kind of not crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Headcanon, M/M, Makoto is so hot he's a weapon of mass disruption, Shopping Spree, mildly jealous Haru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8770336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belzime/pseuds/Belzime
Summary: What if Haru makes Makoto  wear shitty clothing because he doesn't want random women hitting on his man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> HI All! I completely blame my best friend for this one. It's my second ever fanfic to publish, so hopefully it doesn't fall flat. This story started a year ago with the thought "What if Haru dresses Makoto in horrible Outfits because he doesn't want people hitting on his hot best (boy) friend?" Then, like all good things, I slipped the idea into a drawer and forgot about it. My friend and I have a 3 month debate going on about how a lot of the outfits Makoto wears are just plain awful. Exhibit A being his College look. NOTHING in that outfit goes together, but we can all agree that Bae looks hot as hell in those glasses. Makoto is adorable no matter what he wears!
> 
> My friend, Anon_56, also has written a fun fic based on these conversations, so feel free to check it out! 
> 
>  
> 
> That said, I don't own Free!, because if I did Makoto would dress better, and I'd have to keep the Samezuka and Iwatobi boys all to myself. 
> 
> But enough about me. I hope you enjoy my work!

"Makoto, seriously. Enough with all the stripes already.” Rin screeched, stalking across the room to prod at his bara friend’s hideous excuse for an outfit. “Red plaid with green stripes and orange corduroys? Really?”

“I like to wear colors.” Makoto sniffed.

“More like you let your closet vomit on you.” He tugged at layers disapprovingly, mildly hoping his fiery glare would ignite the offending items, “You’re wearing like five shirts, Makoto. FIVE.”

“It’s called layering” the taller boy defended weakly. Besides, it’s cold out.”

“Then why the hell are you wearing sandals?” The redhead demanded, “Seriously, just wear ONE jacket and closed shoes. Your outfit doesn’t make any sense and it’s burning a hole in my eyes.”

The brunet blushed, ears turning bright red, “It can’t be that bad.” A single red eyebrow rose in challenge.

“Sou, help me out here”.

Sousuke cracked an eye open, looking up lazily from his magazine, still hanging off Rin’s mattress, “Sorry, Tachibana. Your clothes suck.”

“See? I’m right” Rin grinned, sharp teeth lining his lips. His victory was short-lived; one look at sad green puppy eyes sucked all the joy out of winning like blue-balls to his pride. “That’s it. We’re going shopping.” The Samezuka captain shouted, grabbing Makoto by the wrist and tugging him towards the door.

“But what about the Captain’s meeting?” Makoto squawked.

“We can talk on the way,” Rin paused, glancing back over his shoulder at Sousuke, “You coming?”

The taller man sighed, rolling out of bed to follow where Rin led him.

 

                        ************

 

“D-do I really have to try on all of this?”

“Yes! Now get your ass out here!” Rin called. A green changing room curtain was thrown back to reveal muscular arms crossing before a sheer red lace “shirt”. Makoto tried covering himself as much as possible, feeling extremely over-exposed for a swimmer, missing the comforting protection his layers had offered. Surely those had to look better than the extra-revealing ruffled black short-shorts Rin had somehow forced him into. His first outfit may have been an eye-sore, but these…”clothes”….just felt wrong. Especially with the bunny ears Sousuke had suck atop his head.

“I…I’ don’t think this—“Makoto was cut off by the sounds of loud, uncontrollable laughter bubbling up from inside his friends and splashing out, flooding the changing area. Makoto burned with embarrassment from the tips of his ears to his chest.

“Gotta say, Tachibana,” Sousuke gasped between giggles, “’s a pretty good look on you.”

Makoto shrank back into the changing stall, hiding his massive form behind the safety of a green curtain. “Riiin!” he whined. “You guys are terrible!”

“Sorry Makoto!” The other captain wiped tears from his eyes, “But seriously, try on the other clothes we picked out.”

Iwatobi’s captain was skeptical. He was still attempting to remove the hot pants that felt like they had fused to his skin after taking his friend’s advice the first time. In the end, Makoto emerged from the fitting room in dark-wash blue jeans, doc martins, and a single light grey 3-quarer sleeve shirt, the neck of which V-ed ever so slightly to hint at the muscular chest beneath its fabric. Ray-bans covered verdant eyes, and a black leather jacket was crumpled under one arm.

Rin whistled. Sousuke’s jaw dropped slightly. Somewhere behind them, a kart full of merchandise crashed into a family of mannequins and someone fainted.

“Wow. Makoto, you look hot!” Rin grinned, practically drooling over his friend.

He ran a hand through sandy hair, face flaming red for the third time that hour. “Uh, thanks, Rin”

“Just one thing,” Sousuke removed the jacked from under Makoto’s arm, showing him how to drape it over one shoulder as he walked, “Just do that and you’ll be fine.”

 

                        *****************

 

“… car crashed into a fire hydrant, causing water to shoot up into the sky. The driver was uninjured by the crash directly, and although airbags did not deploy, paramedics took the distracted driver to the hospital, reporting that she had lost too much blood. Witnesses say the woman’s nose began to bleed as water droplets from the blast landed on a pedestrian, who then ran a hand through his hair. Witnesses also believe that the man’s presence is what caused the driver’s distraction in the first place; along the same road were several other minor accidents, all involved claiming to have seen an extremely handsome—“

“Oh no.” Haru’s eyes widened in horror, wanting the afternoon news report to be somehow wrong. “Not again.”

                     ******************

“So, am I right, or am I right?” Rin grinned sharply, “You look pretty hot now that you don’t look like your colorblind mother dressed you in the dark.”

“Come on, Rin, I wasn’t that bad!” Makoto sighed, slinging the jacket over his left shoulder.

The groan of crunching metal rang out. “Rin!” Sousuke shouted, diving between the redhead and the curb and wrapping his arms around the shorter man as a car plowed into the fire hydrant across the street from them.

“Sousuke, you idiot!” Rin wacked his boyfriend on the (good) shoulder. “What if something happened to you?” Ruby eyes shined, forming sad shark tears that had yet to fall, when the pair were interrupted by a startled yelp. Both heads snapped to look at Makoto.

Some stray water cascaded down onto the brunette, who swiped a hand through his hair in an attempt to clear his vision. “Sorry.” He blushed lightly and smiled bashfully, “The water’s cold.”

Rin opened his mouth to lecture his friend about not screaming next to a fucking CAR ACCIDENT unless he was damn well INJURED OR DYING when Makoto cut in, “Should we go make sure the driver’s okay?”

Rin nodded “Sousuke—”

“I’ll call an ambulance. You and Tachibana see if you can help out.”

The two boys crossed the street and attempted to help a deliriously babbling driver out of her rapidly flooding car. They managed to set her down on a dry patch of concrete, but that’s as far as they got. An off duty doctor who stopped to help chased the boys out, telling them they were only making things worse.

Before Rin could argue, Sousuke grabbed his arm, letting him know that the ambulance was on its way and that they had already done everything they could to help.

The trio started walking again, down the street past several beauty salons and clothing stores. At first, the amount of women headed down the same way as them seemed normal. It was a busy shopping district, and this street in particular had a lot of shops that specialized in selling woman’s clothing—not that Rin would know, it’s not like Gou dragged him out with her and made him try on dresses OKAY?? And it’s not like She made him buy them and then Sousuke found them and thought he looked sexy in them and then he couldn’t even return them because they were ruined, and he would NEVER be able to show his face at that restaurant again, and why is he thinking about that right now?? The important thing right now was that they were being followed by a hoard of women that was steadily growing larger. And they knew they were being followed because the crowd was keeping pace even though they had started jogging.

The boys ran for it, sprinting at top speed, Makoto and Sousuke struggling to match Rin as they flew down the street and away from the mass of women chasing them. “How is this even happening?” Rin screeched, turning a corner.

Out of nowhere, a blur of color assaulted Iwatobi’s captain.

Makoto found himself draped in a cloak of pantone and barf greens, vibrant fuchsia, at least three different oranges, Rin really didn’t want to count, chrome yellow, salmon, puce, and coffee stain brown, because that was probably an actual stain. This cloak screamed its need to be soaked in acid, set on fire, and blasted into space in no particular order, with its twenty some odd patterns and fabric types, and oh GOD, was it reflective? And the worst part, Rin thought, was that the thing had been shaped to look like the unholy child of a chicken and an anglerfish.

 In an instant the crowd disbursed, leaving four men standing in confusion on a sunny street corner.

 Their attacker breathed out a sigh of relief. “It’s a good thing I made it. Are you okay, Makoto?”

 “H-Haru!?” he stumbled over his words, “What? How did you?”

The usually emotionless boy got right up in Rin’s face, “What the hell were you doing?” He yelled, shocking the others into silence at the rare outburst, “Were you trying to get him killed? This is your fault!”

“MY fault?” Rin shrieked, “How the hell is this MY fault? All I did was give him fashion tips—”

“Did you ever stop and think there was a reason Makoto dresses like that?” Haru hissed, “I dress Makoto to fit my aesthetic so he won’t get hit on.”

 “…Eh?” Rin gaped, eyes wide and blinking owlishly, “You’re joking.”

 “I’m dead serious.”

“But…I mean, that crowd couldn’t have been because Tachibana…” Sousuke trailed off and Haru nodded solemnly, “That’s ridiculous.”

“But Sou and I never have any trouble, and we’re way hotter than Makoto. No offense.” Rin stood, one hand on his hip.

 Haru raised one dark eyebrow, “You’re a whiny shark. And nobody but baby ducks and Yamazaki want to date a sad shark who cries all the time.” Rin grit his teeth and growled. Sousuke snorted. “And Yamazaki has a scary face.”

“Haru!” Makoto chastised.

 “He looks like he wants to bite the head off of anyone who even breathes near Rin. Nobody wants to date a creepy possessive stalker but a sad crying shark.” With that, Haru grabbed Makoto’s wrist and dragged him home, never once bothering to turn around and see how very much he’d managed to piss off his friend and said friend’s scary boyfriend.

 

                It was a full week before Haru let Makoto take off the chicken-fish suit.

**Author's Note:**

> Haru has a fire-extinguisher type case in his home labeled “Smash in case of Makoto-related Emergency”. It contains this god-awful cloak, and one Chocolate bar with a picture of a kitten on it. One for if Makoto gets hit on, and the other for when Haru fucks up. Now he has to get the glass replaced.


End file.
